PLANNING THE CATHOLIC FUNERAL:
The Catholic Approach to Grief, Death & Healing:

This funeral planning information is offered in the hope that it will help you during your time of loss. It is occasionally given to the dying themselves, so that they may be a part of the planning of their own funeral, but more commonly, it is provided for our parishioners on the sad occasion of the passing of a loved one. Know that the parish family grieves with you for your loss, and know that we are here to help you in this time of need, so do not hesitate to contact us. The Catholic Church has two thousand years of experience in dealing with death, and over the centuries, certain rituals have evolved that help us to go through the process of grieving. The younger generations of Catholics are understandably not always prepared for the death of their loved one, and they are not always aware of our rich Catholic traditions. To assist them, we have composed this text, so that you may appreciate the fullness of the tradition of the Church.

Honoring the Body:

The Catholic faith is “incarnational.” As Our Lord took on human flesh and as his body was anointed before he was entombed, so too we honor the body of our deceased loved ones. So honored is the body of a Christian that cremation was forbidden for centuries for Catholics. In recent years, cremation has been allowed, in part, because of the great expense involved in taking the body of our loved one back home to rest with their ancestors (as so many of our loved ones die some distance from where they plan to be buried). The Church’s funeral liturgy presumes that the body and casket are brought into the church and are present at the funeral Mass prior to the cremation. If a subsequent cremation occurs, the expectation of the Church is that the ashes of any Catholic Christian should be interred in holy ground and not scattered. Should the cremated remains be brought into the church, we strongly encourage the faithful to find some fitting urn or chest that shows due respect for the deceased. If the options of the funeral home are too cost prohibitive, family members might themselves find something that is appropriate and dignified. Obviously, the size of the compartment in the columbarium will dictate the size of the container.

Funeral Homes Are There to Help:

It is always difficult planning for a funeral, and, in times of grief, it is often not easy to make decisions. If your loved one has not prearranged his or her funeral, it falls upon the survivor to make the arrangements. Be aware that this can often be a strain on families and know that our prayers are with you during this time. Also consider that while the funeral home has a responsibility to show your loved one great respect, there are many options within various price ranges from which to choose. Keep in mind that while the funeral homes we generally work with are very reputable and responsible, they may not always be aware of our Catholic traditions. For example, there are some Catholic options for caskets or cemeteries with which they may not be familiar. Don’t be afraid to ask questions (of them or of us).

Choosing a more affordable Casket:

Caskets can be very expensive but there are dignified options that may work for those families who cannot afford the caskets the funeral home initially provides. Often, if a family thinks it cannot afford a typical funeral home casket, they can afford a casket used for cremation (which are less expensive than the other caskets, and which are perfectly acceptable to bury their loved one in, and which the funeral home should be able to show the family as well). Another option is to order a casket. The Trappist Monks make caskets that are dignified at a fraction of the cost of the ones you have to choose from at the average funeral home. By using one of these, you will also be supporting the Trappist Monks in their own ministry. These caskets can be shipped very quickly as well. If you’re interested, you can find more information on line at www.trappistcaskets.com. We put this here only to stress that the dignity of a Christian funeral should be affordable to all.

The Vigil Service or Wake:

In years past, at a time when it wasn’t always easy to ascertain with certainty the end of life, members of a family would stay awake with the deceased, as they lay in state, praying for their beloved. This would typically happen in the home of the deceased, where the family and close friends would gather to pray and to remember their loved one. While modern advances have assuaged our insecurities about whether or not someone is truly dead, this tradition has persisted into what we call the Vigil Service (or sometimes the Wake) which typically happens at the Funeral Home.

The Vigil Service is a time for eulogies and recalling fond memories, for coming together as a family to pray the rosary and to remember your loved one with prayers and song. It is important to keep in mind that our love for the deceased prompts us to pray for the repose of their souls as well as to give thanks to God for their lives. All of this is done at the funeral but the Vigil Service is also a time for prayers and for finding consolation with our families. While not every family has the same cultural expectations in regards to a Wake, these times of family and prayer have nevertheless traditionally been a very consoling occasion for many. The Vigil Service is not required. Some people want only a simple viewing, and some have a wake in their homes. Other families request of their parish to have a deacon or priest preside over an official Vigil Service at the funeral home. Remember, we’re here to help.

Remarks of Remembrance:

When someone close to us dies, we are often struck with great emotions, and sometimes we feel moved to put our thoughts into words, even though we know that we cannot really express all that we are feeling. We want to speak but at the same time words fail us and we are unable to speak. It is a lot to ask a family member to speak at times like this, but sometimes we must. Perhaps it is for this reason that the Church encourages us to use the Vigil Service as an appropriate time for giving eulogies, and respectfully reminds us that eulogies are not traditionally a part of the Catholic Funeral. If a eulogy is given either at the Wake or the Funeral, it should not be long (to make sure that the speaker is able to get through it given the emotions involved) and it should be given by a person of faith. Remember, just because eulogies are sometimes expected, one should never feel pressured to have one. Just letting the prayers of the Church flow over us in our silence can be very consoling.

PLANNING THE FUNERAL LITURGY:

Selecting the Readings and Finding Comfort in God’s Word:

Not everyone feels like picking their own readings, so don’t feel pressured. You can request that the Church pick the readings and we will handle everything. But if you would rather take a more active role in choosing the readings, we want to help. To accompany this information is a booklet Through Death to Life which gives every appropriate reading from the Church’s liturgy as a choice for a funeral Mass. This booklet can be obtained through the parish office. The parish uses this booklet to help families make the Memorial Mass of their loved one more personal. Many families have also found it useful in their own bereaving and healing. While the book has many pages, we invite you and your loved ones to consider the pages that deal directly with the choices of readings. Perhaps by reading them together you may find consolation in the words of Sacred Scripture while also choosing readings which best express your loss and your faith. It is our hope that this may be a true source of healing for you and your family.

• First, look through those pages that list the options for the First Reading, and choose from these. There are seven options for seasons outside of Easter from C-1 to C-7 (which are all from the Old Testament). If the funeral falls within the season of Easter, one should choose from options C-8 to C-11 (from the New Testament). The season of Easter includes the seven weeks from Easter Sunday through Pentecost Sunday.
  • Choice of Text (including page number)                                              
  • Lector                                              
• Second, look through the pages that list the options for the Responsorial Psalm, and choose one from these. There are ten options from D-1 to D-10. If you’re having a cantor, this will likely be chanted, and therefore, we will want to make sure that particular Responsorial Psalm is available in sheet music.
  • Choice of Responsorial Psalm (with page number)                                               
  • Sung or Recited?                                              
• Third, look through the pages that list the options for the Epistle Reading and choose one. There are fifteen options from E-1 to E-15.
  • Choice of Epistle Reading (with page number)                                              
  • Lector                                               
• Fourth, look through those pages that list the options for the Gospel Reading, and choose one. There are nineteen options from G-1 to G-19 (some with long and short options).
  • Choice of Gospel Reading (with page number)                                               

Once the readings have been chosen, please let us know as soon as possible, so we can prepare the readings for the funeral. You may be familiar with lectors (or readers) whom you desire to do one or both of the readings. If not, the parish can provide this. Please also think about the following information which will help us to help you at this time:

• Will there be a simple viewing, or a vigil service/wake?                                              
• If the family is expecting a vigil or wake service, what is the time, the location, and who might preside?                                              
• Who is to preside over the funeral?                                               
• Will this be a funeral with a casket?                                              
• Will this be a cremation?                                              
• Will the body be cremated after the funeral Mass?                                               
• Where will the body (or cremated remains) be laid to rest?                                              
• Will the family go directly from the funeral to the gravesite?                                              
• Will the priest or deacon accompany the body to the gravesite?                                              
• Are there any particular requests of the family?                                              

The Rite of Committal

The Church’s liturgy has every expectation of having the priest or deacon accompany the body of the deceased from the funeral to the gravesite. Sometimes, when a priest or deacon officiates at a graveside service, this is separate from the funeral, and may even take place in another state or on a different day. Let us know what to expect regarding the Committal. Please keep in mind that these prayers are very brief, and this is not intended to be in lieu of a funeral Mass. We will do our best to accommodate you and your family’s needs.

PLANNING THE MUSIC:

Planning the Music for the Funeral:

The Funeral Liturgy is a rite of the Church with specific prayers that have been chanted for over a thousand years and some people choose to have the cantor sing these venerable and consoling chants in Latin. If you choose to have this traditional chanted Requiem Mass, which is both dignified and appropriate, let us know and we’ll do our best to accommodate your request given your resources and the availablity of our parish musician. Keep in mind that if the casket has been brought into the Church, then the cantor will traditionally chant the Subvenite and/or the In Paradisum after Communion. Our experience is that these chants can work very handsomely, especially at a time of grief when not every family wants to feel obligated to sing at a funeral, or at times when a funeral might bring together people who may not be familiar with Catholic or English hymnody.

Other folks will want to include at least some hymns in the funeral liturgy which could encourage congregational singing. The parish wants to help the family choose appropriate music for these sacred rites, and to that end, we ask the family to work closely with our musicians in the selection of the musical options of these liturgies for the deceased. What follows is an initial list of suitable hymns for your consideration. As each parish hymnal may be different, one may not find all these options in our current hymnal, so working closely with the organist and cantor will be important.

• Some classic and well-known options of hymns for a processional might be
  • The King of Love My Shepherd Is
  • The Living God My Shepherd Is
  • Jerusalem, My Happy Home
• Some handsome options for the offertory could be
  • I Heard the Voice of Jesus Say
  • Be Thou My Vision
  • Abide With Me
  • All You Who Seek a Comfort Sure
• Appropriate communion hymn options for a funeral might be
  • Shepherd of Souls
  • What Wondrous Love Is This
  • O Sacrament Most Holy
  • My Shepherd Will Supply My Need
  • Appropriate music for incensing the casket
  • Subvinite
  • In Paradisum
• Appropriate music for a recessional
  • In Paradisum (if not already used previously)
  • A Song of Farewell
• Other hymnody that would be appropriate for an offertory at the Mass, or for the Vigil Service would be
  • Lord of the Living
  • O Lord, You Died That All Might Live

The aforementioned are by no means a closed list of options, but the melodies are known by most English speaking Catholics, and the texts are appropriate for the funeral and the Mass. We place these here as a service to the family should they want a hymn or two. The deceased may also have a favorite hymn that might be quite appropriate. Some that are also frequently heard at funerals are:

• Some old hymns that are often sung at funerals or vigil services
  • Amazing Grace
  • Shall We Gather at the River
  • Precious Lord, Take My Hand
  • Just As I Am
• Here are some more contemporary options often associated with funerals or vigil services and most of these are familiar to the average American Catholic
  • Eye Has Not Seen
  • On Eagle’s Wings
  • I Am the Bread of Life
  • Shepherd Me O God
  • My Redeemer Lives

On occasion some families will employ a soloist to sing an Ave Maria or another sacred song, so if you have suggestions other than these, please feel free to discuss them with us. We ask only that the music be dignified, sacred in nature, and suitable for a funeral Mass. If you want the mass settings to be sung in Latin or in English, let us know that as well. All of this can be a bit overwhelming, so if you just want us to pick something for you, we are more than happy to do so. Just let us know how we can help. Please expect to pay some stipened for the musician.

PRAYING FOR THE DECEASED:

Remembering the Dead

We remind you of the long held Catholic tradition of praying for the dead. Throughout the centuries, the love we bear for our deceased family members has compelled us as Catholics to have Masses offered for them and to pray for them throughout our lives. After all is said and done, when you have returned to some routine and the pressure of the funeral is over, we invite you to come by the parish office and schedule a number of Masses to be offered for your loved one throughout the year. A modest donation is often made as your own “sacrifice of charity” for them and a Mass is offered for the repose of their souls. Mass intentions fill up quickly, so don’t be surprised if you can’t have one offered immediately or on a certain day, but the parish will work with you to accommodate your wishes if we are able. Certainly, the Feast of All Souls (on November 2nd), as well as everyday throughout the month of November are times when all Catholics remember our ancestors who have gone before us, anticipating our prayers.

Even though we all grieve differently, grief can be a very healing process to go through. We will all go through the process at different speeds and in different ways. This is a time when families should support one another in this process. Again, please accept our sympathies and condolences and be assured of the prayers of the Church in this time of your loss. Remember that it is our sure and certain hope that all those who sleep in Christ may one day be raised to his glory.

Eternal Rest,
grant unto them, O Lord,
& let Perpetual Light
shine upon them.

Our Lady of the Mountains Catholic Church
• 1908 Waleska Highway 108 • Jasper, Georgia 30143 •706-253-3078 •